yeti speak...

a very good read

This is an amazing book...

It is a book I am sure I will re-read soon, but much more slowly.  Some of the expressions and depictions of Christian spirituality contained in these pages touched me more than probably 80 or 90 percent of the books I've read from the "Christian Living" section of most Christian bookstores.  The writing, of course, plays a big part in my appreciation of this, but the ideas (philosophy, beauty) also struck a deep chord in me.  I would often find myself stopping to ponder a paragraph or a sentence...and then I'd go back and re-read it.

Yeah, it's golden.

the stack 2008 - Revisited

Well, I haven't been blogging much, but I've been busy in my STACK below... Highlights so far: Hood and Pilgrim At Tinker's Creek.

***********

I've collected quite a few "must-reads" in the last year or two.  I've decided that this is the Stack that I want to read in the first half of 2008.  There's some good stuff in here.  Check it out.

You'll notice that most of these are novels with a smattering of creative non-fiction.  Duncan's The Brothers K I've already read but hope to read again during spring training to get pumped for baseball season.  I am sure I will pick up various Christian living, inspirational, and theological type books along the way (though none are shone here.)  I'm pretty excited about this reading plan (though these are in no particular order.)  Here's the list:

• A Thousand Acres - Jane Smiley
• In Fact - The Best of Creative Non-Fiction - Various Authors
• Anansi Boys - Neil Gaiman
• Pilgrim At Tinker Creek - Annie Dillard
• Gilead - Marilynne Robinson
• The Brothers K - David James Duncan
• About A Boy - Nick Hornby
• Teaching A Stone To Talk - Annie Dillard
• Soul Music - Terry Pratchett
• 1776 - David McCullough
• Hood - Stephen R Lawhead
• The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
• The Samurai - Shasaku Endo
• The Road - Cormac McCarthy (added in late Jan)
• What is the What - Dave Eggers (added in late Jan)
• The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffennegger (added in late Jan)
• Scarlet - Stephen R. Lawhead (added in April)

Happy Reading in 2008!

seeing, in the new year

I was born in 1974 with a perfectly good set of eyes.  They were (and still are) brown like my mother and father's.  I have never had to wear contacts, glasses, or even a Planter's Peanut style monocle in order to see things near or far.  So far, and I take nothing for granted in this regard, I have been one of the fortunate few in this world with 20/20 vision.  I consider myself blessed.

But as I have been reading Annie Dillard's Pulitzer Prize winning book Pilgrim At Tinker Creek (which was first published the same year I was born) I am beginning to wonder if I have really seen anything at all with my two good eyes fully open.  Maybe that statement sounds a bit drastic.  It is; but some books (sadly only a precious few) have that kind of effect on you.  Scales fall away in a flutter and you think to yourself, "Wow, can the world really look like this to someone?  To me even?"

This is not a book review.  Sorry if I have mislead you.  I have only just finished reading a few chapters of Tinker Creek myself which I have had to wade through carefully--donning galoshes and sloshing my way through the wondrous minutia of Dillard's creek which seems chock-full of beauty, wonder, and spiritual insight.  But some of her initial discoveries that she writes about in the first few chapters have caused a stir in me, a faint longing, a slight itch which has me wanting to pack my sleeping bag and toothbrush to set off on the pilgrim trail once again. 

I have to admit it's been a while since I have felt this way; I have been a bit road-weary.  You see, the nomadic life of the Spirit often sounds more glamorous before you set out, when you are nestled into houserobe and slippers, than it does when you are trying to trick your mind into thinking that the rock behind your head feels something like a soft pillow.  The dirt, sweat, and tears have no place in our pre-trip fantasies.  We want the spiritual rewards without the blisters or the blind alleys.  At least that's how I have been feeling this year.  I've been desiring the T-shirt without taking the trip, cause the trip itself is a hard one.   But despite the realization that I've just wanted to coast a few miles, in a sense I have tried to keep the donkey moving in the right direction at least; I've tried to stay alert; keep my eyes on the road, stay awake--but I might have been dozing off...

And then Annie Dillard comes along, tapping me on the shoulder, and gently saying, "Open your eyes.  WAKE UP!!!!"

Like that.  Gentle, then loud, not proselytizing, but inviting me to see, really see and notice, this intricate, shocking, living world lying all around me that I bump around in every day with barely a glance of awe or even recognition.  (It's weird and I know I sound like some fruitcake who collects carrots that look like celebrities from 70s sitcoms right now.  Oooh, Eric Estrada.  And I do apologize if you do that; I'm not saying you are a fruitcake.)

But the reason all of this is important (yes, there is a point) is because I am coming up with a New Year's Resolution that I am actually excited about and here is what I have so far:

In 2008, I resolve to really see things. 

Pretty profound, eh.  Ha! 

I have good eyes, good vision at least, but have I been seeing the right things?  Am I laying hold of the things that are really there and really true?  I want to see this beauty that pervades our world.  I want to learn to look much deeper and dig for those small treasures that beauty often hides in because, as Dillard would say, it is only there--in the broadening scope of seeing--that I will be touching on the "hem" of the Divine.  But I'll finally let her words speak for themselves.  Some quotes:

It could be that God has not absconded but spread, as our vision and understanding of the universe have spread, to a fabric of spirit and sense so grand and subtle, so powerful in a new way that we can only feel blindly of its hem.

***

Cruelty is a mystery, and the waste of pain.  But if we describe a world to compass these things, a world that is a long, brute game, then we bump against another mystery: the inrush of power and light, the canary on the skull.  Unless all ages and races of men have been deluded by the same mass hypnotist (who?), there seems to be such a thing as beauty, a grace wholly gratuitous.

***

We don't know what's going on here. If these tremendous events are random combinations of matter run amok, the yield of millions of monkeys at millions of typewriters, then what is in us, hammered out of those same typewriters, that they ignite?  We don't know.  Our life is a faint tracing on the surface of mystery, like the idle curved tunnels of leaf miners on the face of a leaf.  We must somehow take a wider view, look at the whole landscape, really see it, and describe what's going on here.  Then we can at least wail the right question into the swaddling hand of darkness, or, if it comes to that, choir the proper praise.

***

It is still the first week in January, and I've got great plans.  I've been thinking about seeing.  There are lots of things to see, unwrapped gifts and free surprises.  The world is fairly studded and strewn with pennies cast broadside from a generous hand.  But--and this is the point--who gets excited by a mere penny?  If you follow one arrow, if you crouch motionless on a bank to watch a tremendous ripple thrill on the water and are rewarded by the sight of a muskrat kit paddling from its den, will you count that sight a chip of copper only, and go your rueful way?  It is dire poverty indeed when a man is so malnourished and fatigued that he won't stoop to pick up a penny.  But if you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted in pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days.  It is that simple.  What you see is what you get.

So, I'm keeping my eye out for pennies in '08.  They're out there waiting to be snatched up.  Hope you see some, too.  (More Dillard quotes in the weeks to come, I'm sure.)

I'm pretty good with a bow staff

Last night while I was waiting for my coal to get to the desired temperature I practiced my Jedi light-saber techniques under chilly starlight.   As I swung the walking stick to and fro, twirling it around my arm, dispelling hypothetical Sith Lords and Orcs with each lethal blow, I had a wave of swash-buckling nostalgia.  Going back in time to my childhood, it felt good to just let loose a little bit under cover of night (where no one could see me and break into fits of spastic laughter)--Ah, to join in an invisible battle once more.

As you might have already guessed, I've been reading John Eldredge again.

Yeah, I know.  How can a sensitive, literary, suburbanite like myself be into the adrenalin-fueled, bare-back riding, wilderness machismo of John Eldredge?  It is a deep mystery.  I admit that when I first read Wild At Heart I did want to run naked through the forest smudged in Indian-warpaint screaming Navajo battle cries.  But this sensation faded as reality set in.  I just don't like the idea of sky diving, bungee jumping, or getting into the ring with a four-foot tall Thai kickboxer. Maybe that's because I never went through the proper rights of passage into manhood?  Or maybe it's just because I like simpler things, e.g. like being alive and uninjured?  In truth, my heart "comes alive" most on overcast days, sipping the java, digging into a good book, and humming along to Miles Davis as my body conforms to the shape of a very comfortable chair.  It's a bit boring for some, but it does it for me.

So why am I dipping back into the Braveheart-for-breakfast diet of Mr. Eldredge you might ask?  Because of the interesting title of his book, Waking the Dead.  I've owned the book for a few years now, but I abandoned it after only a few chapters on my first attempt.  The first time I read it I thought Eldredge was just trying to work all of his favorite movies, novels, and children's stories into his take on theology and Christian living.  Let's face it, the guy is a notorious over-quoter.  At the time I also felt like it was just Wild At Heart remixed.  So I shelved it.

But this time around, I picked up the book mainly because I was feeling a bit under-animated, inorganic, stale, or in laymen's speech, dead.  I'm glad I gave it a second chance because this time around it fit better into my life and experience.  Where it hadn't two or three years back, now it suddenly seemed applicable.

As many of you know (or may have inferred) over the last six months I've been going through a bit of a third-life crises (i.e. I plan to live to be 99--so you can do the math).  I've lost loved ones, questioned my occupation, fretted over unrealized creative potential, and been angry about injustices in my little world and the broader one.  In the midst of it all, I've also had a long stretch of wondering, "Where's God?!? And what am I doing wrong here?"  Without going into a lot of detail about the nitty-gritty of it, you're informed readers I'm sure, let's just just say it's been like walking a tightrope of faith, with combat boots on my feet, and a walrus on my shoulders.  I've been holding my breath for what seems like a very long time (in part because the walrus has nasty fish breath, but mostly because I've been a little fearful of my sense of balance).

And then one day, out of the blue, I had a strange thought.  "Wonder if any of this could be spiritual?" I asked myself in my best Church Lady voice.

Yeah, I'm a pretty sharp ladle in the silverware drawer of spiritual insight.  Watch yourself, sonny, or you could be fatally...scooped...to death?!?  Anyway, after 2 years of Christian college, 6 months in  YWAM, and nearly three years..ahem, doing what I do...you'd think I'd have jumped to this conclusion a mite bit sooner.  But, no.  The elephant was reclined on the LazyBoy and I somehow missed him as I reached past his trunk for the remote control...

After this eureka moment, I actually started to look at my state-of-mind and emotional-spiritual state from a more unseen "spiritual" perspective.  Perhaps my depression, my sense of despair, my nagging doubts and frustration was not totally self-induced after all.  So that's how I started to pray about things.  "Lord, if this is a battle we are in, help me fight back!  Better yet, fight for me!" 

And it was amazing how the "cloud" around my heart and mind just lifted.  A blog post can't do it justice.  The term 'like night and day' would be an accurate way to describe it.

But that gets me back to Waking the Dead.  After coming out of the "spell" I was under, I felt like I needed a bit of new life breathed back into me.  Who wouldn't want to be awoken from the dead?  So I skimmed Eldredge's book again. 

His first premise: we are in a battle and things are not what they seem to be.  The second premise: the battle we were thrown into by being born is a battle for our hearts.  Third premise: our Enemy would like to destroy our heart and put us in bondage to him but because of Christ our hearts are now good and they matter to God.  Finally: we must live from our hearts and fight the battle to help others live the free, full lives that Jesus promises to those who follow Him.  It is a story about myth, healing, and restoration.  It was exactly what I needed.  I know this is a simplistic summary of the book, but essentially this is what spoke to me, especially the part about our hearts being transformed into good.  It's so easy to forget what sanctification looks like because of Christ' work.  Much easier to make agreements with the Enemy and believe all kinds of horrible things about our inner self and life.  Putting this framework of thought (battle analogy) around my recent dilemmas, concerns, and questions really helped me find meaning and purpose again (as strange as that may sound.)

So even though I'm not ready to try my hand at ice-cave spelunking and can find areas where I'll disagree with him, it seems I am back on the John Eldredge bandwagon.  And I'm ready to pick some fights--the good kind of course--like I'll need to.

This post seems a bit disjointed.  I've gotten out of practice with these confessional type posts I guess.  Makes them feel awkward.  But I needed to offload this information so my writing brain can begin functioning again.  In the meantime, there are a few backyard dirt dragons yet to be slain... 

Bonzai!

random reading picture

Just a visual plug to recommend reading a good book this weekend.  I think I'm going to re-read David James Duncan's The River Why over the next few weeks.  It's definitely in my top five I'd say.  We'll see if that still holds true.

small town, china - what it's like

I know I've mentioned this book already, but having just finished it, I highly recommend it (especially if you are at all interested in what our life here in China is like.)  In fact, I wish I could have read this book before we came to China, but it wasn't published until 2006.  (Although I do think experiencing many of these cultural things firsthand helped me appreciate the book from an "insider's" perspective.) 

Brief synopsis/review:  The book details an American English teacher's experiences in a small "river" town on the Yangtze prior to the final construction of the Three Gorges Dam.  His experiences in China are humorous, poignant, tragic, intriguing and bizarre, which is pretty much par for the course for us westerners.  Knowing a little Chinese history over the last century (i.e. what is The Great Leap Forward, Cultural Revolution, Etc.) helps in understanding some things about the author's experiences, but he does a pretty good job of giving enough background info so that I think almost anyone could enjoy this book.  Even though we lived in a bigger city (Xining) upon our arrival in China many of our initial experiences resonate with Hessler's experiences in Sichuan (but obviously not EVERYTHING!) 

Anyway, check the book out if you have the chance...

a shining point of light in my heart

I just finished Yann Martell's novel, The Life of Pi.  I was pleasantly surprised by the book.  I knew about the storyline, i.e. an Indian boy is stranded on a lifeboat in the Pacific with a Royal Bengal tiger, but as I started reading it I wasn't too convinced it would hold my interest for long.  But it did.  And now that I have finished it I find myself thinking back on it...wondering about it.  Since I have been reflecting on faith, hope and love a lot lately (specifically hope) it was nice that the book lends itself to those themes.  It does so in the light of one's belief in God/the Divine.  This passage from the book beautifully describes the difficulties involved in putting one's faith in God as well as the illumination one receives in continuing to love HIm through trials:

Faith in God is an opening up, a letting go, a deep trust, a free act of love--but sometimes it was so hard to love.  Sometimes my heart was sinking so fast with anger, desolation, and weariness, I was afraid it would sink to the very bottom of the Pacific and I would not be able to lift it back up.

At such moments I tried to elevate myself.  I would touch the turban I had made with the remnants of my shirt and I would say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S HAT!"

I would pat my pants and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S ATTIRE!"

I would point to Richard Parker [the tiger] and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S CAT!"

I would point to the lifeboat and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S ARK!"

I would spread my hands wide and say aloud, "THESE ARE GOD'S WIDE ACRES!"

I would point at the sky and say aloud, "THIS IS GOD'S EAR!"

And in this way I would remind myself of creation and of my place in it.

But God's hat was always unravelling.  God's pants were falling apart.  God's cat was a constant danger.  God's ark was a jail.  God's wide acres were slowly killing me.  God's ear didn't seem to be listening.

Despair was a heavy blackness that let no light in or out.  It was a hell beyond expression.  I thank God it always passed.  A school of fish appeared around the net or a knot cried out to be reknotted.  Or I thought of my family, of how they were spared this terrible agony.  The blackness would stir and eventually go away, and God would remain, a shining point of light in my heart.  I would go on loving.

potter predictions - revisited!

Well, since we've been busy I haven't been able to make any kind of comments or give analysis on the LAST book of the great Harry Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  And since I was so adamant about other people not spoiling the fun, I want to be careful that I do the same.

So, SPOILER ALERT - SPOILER ALERT - SPOILER ALERT!!!  If you DO NOT wish to read about the last Harry Potter book (and learn important plot details) do not click on the link below to read more AND do not view the comments for this post below...

Here's how I fared on my predictions...

beginning of the end...

It has arrived!  Christa is reading now, Todd's on deck...

a request from the far east: don't spill the every flavor beans

Now I know I am not the most conscientious blogger when it comes to "spoiling" the plot/surprises of various books and movies.  In the past I have "goofed" a few times in this regard by giving away various plot details and surprises for new readers/viewers.  (Sorry, Jason.)  I have let information slip out onto the yetispeak without giving the courtesy Spolier Warning a time or two.  For this I sincerely apologize. I am trying to change my ways.

With this in mind, I realize this request I am about to give is a bit hypocritical of me, but if you must know, this request is actually from my good wife and is given on her behalf.  Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

For those few friends of ours out there who read this blog and who blog themselves, please take a moment to consider us poor primitives living out here in western China who do not YET possess our copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  While our pre-ordererd copy is now on its way, it may take a MONTH or more for us to receive it and to read this epic, conclusive, series finale. 

Our request to you is simple really:  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T TELL US ANYTHING ABOUT THIS BOOK. While we do not have the ability to censor any of you dear friends from blogging, from sharing your enthusiasm, surprise, disappointment, Muggle-guilt, or delight in reading the last Potter book in the next 6 weeks or so, we are petitioning your goodwill and mercy in this regard.  It's going to be hard enough to avoid getting unwanted information from strangers on the internet and in the media, but it would be even worse if we were "Snaped out" (i.e. betrayed) by you, our blogger friends, whom we like to keep up with by reading your posted thoughts.

Maybe asking for NO POTTER INFORMATION from you is a bit naive or too big a favor for us to ask.  In the very least, can we request that if you feel the need to talk about this book in the next 6-8 weeks (even if it's just you describing your emotional state as you are reading it) can you warn us with a big RED, SPOILER ALERT at the top of the post.  I am told that this is a basic blogging courtesy, but like I said before, I'm not the best one to speak on such matters.

With that said I'm really looking forward to seeing whether or not my Potter Predictions have panned out (even though I'm sure some will label me a pagan for even reading such books.  Feel free to pray for me.)  And, by the way, I think Voldemort is really a woman.  Even Ron was shocked by this unexpected twist...